The Kindle Fire: A Review

Well, after putting it off for long enough, I finally broke down and purchased the Kindle Fire for work. A little background:

I am a HUGE Kindle fan. I bought in at the first generation Kindle, and upgraded to both the Kindle 2 and the Kindle Keyboard (originally the Kindle 3). I am a huge fan of books in general, and I love to read. I was skeptical at first, but the ease and portability of the Kindle won the day.

I bought the first and second generation iPads also. And while the iPad has become a complete substitute for my laptop (and a good number of other things), I have still held on to my Kindle as a dedicated e-reader. The e-ink display is comfortable on my eyes, and it is easy to hold, carry, and use no matter which hand I’m holding it in.

Fast forward – I am developing a series of e-books for my work. I am a software developer and project manager for a publishing house moving into the electronic world. I have spent the better part of the last few months developing a set of titles. We are prepared to release them for the iPad soon, but the books simply wouldn’t fly on the e-ink Kindles. The Fire was welcome news, so I broke down and bought one to test the books on. I opened the box this morning, and have spent the day poking around the device.

I am not favorable impressed. That’s also an understatement.

First – the device is heavy. I mean heavy. The 7″ device weighs in at 14.6 ounces to be exact. My Kindle Keyboard weighs in at 8.5 ounces. My 10″ iPad weighs in at 1.33 pounds. Noticeably so the minute I took it out of the box. And it’s thick. The iPad weighs in at 0.34 inches. The Fire at 0.45 inches. Without a cover it is a thick as my other Kindle with the cover on.

Upon booting the device, the first thing I see is the wonder of the Carousel. It is located on the top half of the screen and is a flickable cover-flow like interface of all…well I’m not sure what it is all of. I lists not only all of the books that I have ever purchased for the Kindle, whether or not they are actually on my device, but also everything I open and touch while navigating the device.

To say I hate it is woefully inadequate. Every web page I surf to, every application I open, every book I open – even those I don’t – are all inconveniently located in an interface that takes up full HALF of the home page of the Fire. No way to get rid of it, shrink it, or decide what gets to go there. Don’t know about you, but the notion of every web page showing up in my carousel just doesn’t sit right with me. Especially now that I’m Christmas shopping and my honey wants to play around with the Fire when I’m done. Here, sweetie, let me show you what you’re not getting for Christmas!

The bottom half of the screen is for pinned favorites. I can pin items to the favorites bar, and the storage area for favorites dynamically gets bigger the more I add to it. Like a bookshelf of favorites. But, again, applications, books, videos, etc. all mixed together in the same place. The good news is that I can rearrange them in a way that makes sense to me. The bad news is that I cannot filter what gets shown there – at all.

The interface itself is just a little gluey. From scrolling through the carousel to turning pages in a book, everything feels kludgy and clunky. It is no iPad in this regard, whose navigation feels so fluid and fast. That’s not fan boy talk, it’s just the way it feels.

I appreciate Android as an operating system. I do. But it seems that most everything that makes Android easy to use – fun even – has been completely stripped away on the Fire. What I’m left with is an interface that simply doesn’t make much sense, and is non-customizable in any meaningful sense of the word.

Not for nothing, but I also finally realize why Apple has not committed to making a 7 inch device (i.e. an iPad Mini). While the simplicity of e-ink as a text only display on the original Kindle reader makes perfect sense, once you have more rich content on an LED display that size, it loses its luster along with its readability.

I really wanted to like this device. And I was super excited to see the prospects of developing the titles I have in the queue for the Fire. Now, I’m not sure. Whether or not I end up developing for the device, however, if I didn’t need it for work I would have returned it by now. Thank goodness I still have my Kindle 3. It’s sitting here beckoning me to take up and read as I type this on my iPad. That’s all I need. Really.

Kindle Fire

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Suffrages for Ember Days

Suffrages

(Ephesians 2:1, 4-10 and Colossians 1:9-14)

V. O God, who is rich in mercy;

R. Make us alive together with Christ.

V. By your grace, raise us up and save us;

R. In the age to come, show your kindness towards us.

V. For by your grace we have been saved by faith;

R. Not by works of our own doing, but as your gift so that none may boast.

V. Yet you, yourself, have made us – created us in Christ for good works;

R. Help us walk in the way which you have prepared for us.

V. Fill us with a knowledge of your will;

R. So that our lives may be worthy and pleasing before you.

V. Grant that our works may bear good fruit;

R. That we may grow in the knowledge and love of you.

V. May we be made strong;

R. And prepared to endure in patience,

V. Joyfully giving you thanks, O Lord;

R. Who have made us to share in the inheritance of the saints of light.

V. Rescue us from the power of darkness;

R. And bring us to the kingdom of your Son,

V. In whom we have plenteous redemption;

R. And the forgiveness of our sins.

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Love the Whole Self

Reflections on Chastity without Celibacy



By Karekin Madteos Yarian, BSG

Of course, the question comes up…often! Most recently, my new found digital friend C4bl3Fl4m3 asked what it means to be chaste without being celibate.

First, let me tell you. There are plenty of people I have encountered who are celibate and not chaste. And, of course, in my way of religious life, I experience people daily who are chaste but not celibate. So let’s take a look at two starting points that are integral in my life and my understanding of this dynamic.

The New Oxford American Dictionary defines Chastity in this way:

chaste

adjective

abstaining from extramarital, or from all, sexual intercourse.

• not having any sexual nature or intention: a chaste, consoling embrace.

• without unnecessary ornamentation; simple or restrained: the dark, chaste interior was lightened by tilework.

DERIVATIVES

chastely adverb,

chasteness noun

ORIGIN Middle English: from Old French, from Latin castus.

Looking at the Latin origin, castus means clean, pure, or guiltless.

For hundreds of years, the terms chastity and celibacy have been conflated with one another, largely due to the religious vow itself and its interpretation in traditional orders as meaning celibacy.

In the brotherhood, we define Chastity as follows:

Chastity is the decision to live with all in love, with respect for each person’s integrity. It is not a denial of one’s sexuality and capacity for love, but a dedication of the whole self to God: free from indecency or offensiveness and restrained from all excess, in order to be free to love others without trying to possess or control. – The Rule of the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory

The Brotherhood’s interpretation of this vow allows for those who are gifted with the charism of celibacy… as some in fact are. We have brothers who are celibate. But Chastity is expansive enough to allow for fidelity in partnership as another interpretation. In order to understand how our community defines and lives Chastity in this way, let’s break down our understanding of this vow into some logical pieces:

Love that is respectful of each person’s integrity

Jesus said, “The first commandment is this: Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is the only Lord. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:29-31

Integrity, the wholeness of the human person, is essential to our interpretation of this vow. Integrity is a state of being which is whole and undivided. Human beings are intended to be integrated beings: mind, spirit, and body. Without doing the hard work of becoming integrated in our selves we run the risk of doing the most harm to ourselves and others. The fear of the body that has infused Christianity since the days of Augustine is unfortunate. The body has been seen as unclean (despite the Risen Christ’s teaching to the contrary), and any joy experienced with it has been seen as suspect at best and sinfully debauched at worst. The duality that has crept into the Christian faith is contrary to Scripture and to God’s proclamation that the Creation was good! It is contrary to a faith that is Incarnational, believing as it does that God became flesh in Jesus Christ and that humanity – all of it – was redeemed as a result.

As Jesus pointed out, it is not the body that is unclean, but all manner of things that proceed from the human heart that makes us unclean. And Chastity is intended to act as a corrective to what comes from the human heart.

The knowledge of being whole and undivided begins with our own selves. We approach our lives in religious vows, recognizing that we are undivided, whole, complete as we are. Unified and unimpaired – in our totality, good and capable of being vessels of the Holy Spirit even in our bodies, and even in our capacity as sexual beings.

In my relationship with my husband, the practice of Chastity begins with the knowledge of his integrity as a human being, of his wholeness and the fact that he is a unified and unimpaired person. Any relationship with any person must start from this place, lest we treat them as incomplete or broken, or as objects in need of being fixed or to be possessed. This is the beginning of Chastity.

Not a denial of one’s sexuality or capacity for love

While love is certainly not just about attraction – sexual or otherwise – we would be foolish to start with an assumption that true love, especially the love we are called to in religious witness, always transcends such attraction. Love can be experienced deeply with or without sex, and sex can also be experienced with or without love. They can both be, and often are, experienced intensely as a logical extension of the other.

There are those for whom celibacy is a natural extension of their very selves, and as such it is what we call a “charism” – a gift. But, as is often the case, celibacy is taken on in the traditional understanding of the vow of Chastity, or imposed as a result of priestly vocation. We have seen the results of such imposition for those who are not called to such a charism. It results in people who are fundamentally divided from themselves. Their integrity is compromised. They become impaired. Chastity is, likewise, not merely a functional issue. I know many people who are not sexually active for a variety of reasons. Emotional trauma, psychological issues around intimacy, body image, or self-worth often lead to cessation of sexual activity. While individuals in these circumstances are not sexually active, it does not necessarily make them celibate from the perspective of spiritual charism.

Chastity, in a more expansive interpretation, recognizes that sexuality can be – and in most cases is – an integral part of the human person. It is not something to be easily denied or denigrated, but it can be included in the celebration of the whole human being in all of our glorious complexity. To reduce Chastity to mere bodily functions is an egregious form of idolatry that is fundamentally dangerous spiritually and psychologically.

There are those who say that, being freed from the attachment to the physicality of sexual relationships, Chastity as celibacy allows them to more deeply love God and neighbor without conflict. This is the gift of spiritual celibacy as a charism. For others, however, there is a desire to find a way to celebrate God’s presence and blessing and to give these their rightful place in the healthy expression of love through sexual relationships. There are many who will tell you, myself included, that God can be found in the midst of the intimacy of the sexual act, and that the union of two people in sexual congress can allow for glimpses into the Divine Life that are not often experienced in other ways or with such intensity. But Chastity also requires that we refrain from making our spouse, partner, or any other person an object for my sexual use or gratification. To reduce another human being to an object is sinful. To view another human being as merely an occasion to temptation is to objectify them at the basest level. Without love or the intention to experience love as a natural and transcendent moment in the sexual encounter, true Chastity is often violated.

The entire point is, as I have come to understand in my own relationship with my spouse, not to conflate love with sex, or sex with love. Either can include the other, and neither is necessarily contingent upon the other. Chastity is a corrective to pursuing sexual gratification without the intention of the experience of love. And while attraction, sexual activity, and romantic love wax and wane over the years dependent upon so many things, the love that is engendered by true Chastity grows and is nurtured by remaining undivided within oneself and recognizing that the other person is as well – and allowing God to be present in whatever expression of love, sexual or otherwise, that grows in the midst of your encounter with the other.

A dedication of the whole self to God

If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. – Romans 14:8

Having established that we are intended to live as wholly undivided and unified people – in our selves and as the Body of Christ – it is only natural that it is in this state that we offer ourselves to God. We too often compartmentalize which parts of ourselves are worthy of offering to God and which we hold back. Our vow of Chastity requires the dedication of this whole self to God, in all of its integrity, its completeness. This means not only spirit, mind and body – but our use of these things.

Note well! Chastity is about much more than sexual relations. It is about the way we treat our selves and others, not just sexually but in all the myriad ways in which we are tempted to use other human persons as means to an end. Every human person – and our relationship with them – are ends in and of themselves. They are the beloved in which we experience Christ. They are the answer to the question “who is my neighbor?” They are children of God, dignified creatures of extraordinary beauty and complexity and integrity who are to be valued in and of themselves.

Chastity calls us to recognition of this fact and asks us to treat all others accordingly. How we do this is the subject of the remaining part of our understanding of the vow.

Free from indecency or offensiveness

Laying aside the issue of the physicality of sexuality for a moment. Jesus spoke of the things of the human heart that defile. How do we treat others from the heart? Do we objectify them? What of adultery of the heart – the ways in which we can sexualize individuals in our minds? This is more than an issue of lust. It is a question of covetousness. It is a question of idolatry. Do I fantasize about those whom it is inappropriate to sexualize? Do I fantasize about doing harm to someone who has wronged me? Do I incessantly try to win arguments in my head that I lost in person days, weeks, months ago? Do I ceaselessly compare myself to others in terms of appearance, status, or achievement rather than honoring myself where I am and honoring others where they are?

Indecency is not necessarily about obscenity. It is about appropriateness – appropriateness to the nature of ones relationship to another and fitting to the circumstances of the encounter with another. Decency is about propriety and conformity with the accepted standard of behavior in a given situation. For example – it is not decent for an employer to attempt to seduce an employee, or a priest his or her charge. It is not decent for me to expect my spouse to be my maid, or a tool for wish fulfillment.

Offensiveness is about aggression. It is, by means of aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior to cause another to feel hurt. It is about provocation to anger or other ill feeling. To make someone feel guilt is an aggressive act, and so is to deliberately start an argument. Anyone who is married can tell you the nature of this dynamic.

Chastity calls this behavior out for exactly what it is – indecent and offensive. Or, inappropriate and aggressive. And it demands of us a recognition of these dynamics in our own behavior and makes imperative the need for a different approach. In this way, Chastity compels us to revisit how we handle conflict in our lives and in our relationships. Do we accept others as they are, or demand that they be someone else? Do we monitor the kinds of expectations that we bring to the table in our relationships? Do we have a healthy understanding of the difference between our needs in relationships and our wants – and can we negotiate the boundaries between those and the needs and wants of others with whom we are in relationship?

Restrained from all excess

The opposite of excess is moderation. Restraint is about oneself, and most definitely not about restraining the other. Self-restraint is the opposite of self-assertion. Chastity does not ask us to be doormats when it comes to the behavior of others with whom we are in relationship. But it does ask us to keep our needs in check. We do confuse needs with wants – and feel eminently entitled to have both fulfilled. Unfortunately, a good number of people enter into relationship only half full, expecting the spouse or partner to fill the other half.

This goes back to the issue of integrity and wholeness. The only way to cultivate healthy relationships is to come to the table from a place of wholeness. Chastity asks us to moderate our sense of entitlement and need. It asks us to have healthy relationships in a variety of contexts so that we do not require our partner to be the sole source of having our emotional needs met.

Chastity calls us to balance, self-awareness, and self-giving. It asks us to tame ourselves and our desires so that they can be met by the self-giving of our partner and not as a result of our demands. So, if all of this is about ourselves, what are we to reasonably expect from others?

Love that does not try to possess or control

Do as you would do, not as I would do – or – as I would have you do. This is what Chastity asks us to do for others. Cease trying to possess or control them. It is the hardest part of the practice of Chastity.

My spouse does not belong to me. He is the Lord’s possession. But he also belongs – in relationship – to others. He has friends, family, work colleagues – all of whom have their own claim on his time, energy, and attention. He gets to decide how to negotiate the complexity of his social relationships. My desires need to allow him the freedom to do that.

People are not possessions. As Martin Buber pointed out, our relationship to others is not one of “I” to “it,” but rather of “I” to “Thou.” This relationship is defined by love. It does not objectify the other, but understands that the relationship itself is a living thing. Chastity demands the recognition of all relationships as dynamic, life-giving moments or strings of moments in which God can be encountered. All relationships should be characterized as opportunities for self-giving, not as opportunities for demands to be met or needs and wishes fulfilled.

Chastity asks us to discern and understand the myriad ways in which we try to control others – usually to get them to do what we want. We must be diligent in thought, word, and deed not to manipulate those with whom we are in relationship. Control is about trying to determine the outcomes of any particular situation by manipulating them toward a desired ends. This not only doesn’t leave room for other people to exercise their freedom, it doesn’t leave much room for God – in whose hands all outcomes ultimately lay.

A Final Word

So, back to the question – how does one live Chastity without celibacy? Well, the question should be “does celibacy really mean Chastity?” Can one assume that merely by relinquishing sexual relationships with other people, it will lead to wholeness, restraint, decency and self-giving, an affirmation of ones capacity to love, or a diminishing desire to possess or control others? What is the point of Chastity, and does celibacy naturally lead to it?

Or, can one experience the beauty of Chastity in the context of any human relationship, even a sexual one? I would answer with a resounding “Yes!” If the point of Chastity is to love and honor God and other; if the point is to relinquish the debilitating behaviors that damage human relationships and to substitute those behaviors an appreciation of the grace and light of God in the other; then the answer is “Yes!” If the point of Chastity is to bring the whole self before God, offering our selves, our souls and bodies, to be a reasonable, holy, and living sacrifice to God; then the answer is “Yes!”

Chastity is about purity; it is about a love that is whole, unimpaired, simple and graciously restrained; it is about a love that is un-qualified, un-adorned, respectful and non-aggressive; and it is about a love that can be expressed in heart, mind, AND body in ways that are self-giving, utterly non-possessive, and open to the possibility that God can be encountered in the deep love between self and other.

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Foundations



Delivered on September 17, 2011

Br. Karekin Madteos Yarian, BSG

On the occasion of a Foundation Day Retreat

Today we reflect on foundations. Our personal and our communal ones. Each of us comes into adulthood having certain foundations provided for us. Family, social mores and expectations, religious ones. These determine, largely, how we choose to interact with the world, what we choose to pursue as our work and with our personal time, and what kinds of relationships we cultivate to pursue these goals.

The Church, also, has its foundations. Built upon the testimony of Scripture and the apostles teachings, they can be distilled into neat summary packages such as the Nicene Creed or the words of our Memorial Acclamation: “Christ has died, Christ is Risen, Christ will come again.” Our aims and goals as “church” are, as in our personal lives, distilled from these foundations. How do we choose to interact with the world, what do we choose to pursue as our work and with our personal time, and what kinds of relationships do we cultivate to pursue these goals?

Religious life is no different. And today I want to speak to Gregorian religious life in particular. As we celebrate the forty-second year of our own founding, what are the foundations upon which we build our way of life? How do they inform the way we live in the world? And how can they inform the lives of those around us so that we might be true to our calling to be messengers of the light of Christ.

Here are some of the foundational statements about the Gregorian religious life, that perhaps may shed some insight into our way of being in the world. Our hope, as always, is that the religious life and the Gregorian Way in particular can inspire all Christians to take up the fullness of their calling to be children of God.

One – Baptism compels us to do something. More than just a rite of passage or incorporation into the church, Baptism changes our very nature in relationship to God. We become different creatures than we were before. The vows made by us, or on our behalf at Baptism, demand something of us. Gregorian religious life is one response to those demands. It is the manner in which we choose to live out the promises we have made and to live into our calling as children of God.

Two – Christian people cannot live into the vows we make in Baptism without other people. Community is the very way in which we are schooled in holy living. Church, more than just a place to worship on a Sunday, is intended to be one such community. But the Church alone cannot bring us to holiness. Religious communities that have developed over the centuries were founded with the intention of being just such a school of holiness, witnessing to the individual, the church, and the greater society just what it means to live into the promises of Baptism.

Three – Jesus calls us to be agents of healing and reconciliation, by first healing us. Jesus, having shown us the way to God, provides for us a template of a holy life. We are intended to follow the example of Jesus’ love for God, by doing all that God would have us do – even if it means losing our own life to find it. Gregorian religious life tries to discover through prayer, meditation, and service – the means of patterning our lives after the love of God and love of neighbor that, as Jesus shows us, is the whole meaning of the law that God provides for a holy life.

Four – Community is essential to help us discover and nourish our own gifts for ministry in the Kingdom of God. Without community to temper, teach, and guide – spiritual gifts can be neglected, undiscovered, or dangerous. Religious communities provide a framework of formation, discipline, and accountability that helps us discover our gifts and use them rightly.

Five – A vow is not a promise. Vows are made in the presence of God and in some cases to God and, unlike promises, they cannot be broken. In Baptism, we make, or have made for us, vows to conform to Christian life. In marriage, two parties make vows to each other invoking God as a witness. Ordination entails vows. And religious life does also. Gregorian vows do not supercede other vows, but they provide us with the context in which all of the other vows we have made in our lives can be carried out. Particularly our Baptismal vows.

Six – The Kingdom of God is very near. So near, in fact, that grace is available at every turn to witness and experience and proclaim. Religious life is about living the Kingdom of God here and now. It is about taking on the process of discovery of all that God intends for us, and being deliberate in answering God’s call. Gregorian religious life is about witnessing, experiencing, and proclaiming. In fact, religious life proclaims that our common life in love and service is the very image of the Kingdom of God.

Seven – The Creator of all that is, the author of all life, has reached right into the heart of each individual in the most extraordinarily intimate way. God seeks us, desires relationship with us, and wants our participation in the healing of the world. The impulse to Gregorian religious life arises from a response to the knowledge of God’s intimate self-giving love and concern in the heart of every individual.

Eight – All of our labor and work are equal in God’s eyes. All work can be holy. God calls us where we are, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, to offer ourselves for the work of the Kingdom. Gregorian religious life calls us to make our work an offering of self-giving love to God’s glory. It calls us to bring a spirit of servanthood to even those seeming mundane tasks appointed to us.

Finally – One need not retreat from the world to serve God through a life of complete dedication. Religious can live fully in the world, while not being of the world. Gregorian religious life can be integrated completely with families, neighborhoods, and communities. In fact, it can sanctify all of these things. A life of prayer and service can bring new meaning to the many things we take for granted when lived fully in the presence of a suffering world in need of light and love and healing.

So – while Gregorian life is not necessarily for everyone to try on for size, we are here to witness to a way of living into a Kingdom life by honoring the vows of Baptism. We are here to love and serve you by offering a vision of what Christian life can be. We are here to be reconcilers and healers and servants of the servants of God. Not for our own glory, but to the glory of the God who created and sustains us.

As you ponder these things, here’s what I’d like for you to reflect on during your Emmaus walk this afternoon -

What do you want God to do for you? And what would you like to do for God?

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Vows and promises

A vow is not a promise. A promise is between two individuals, and can be broken, and often is, with impunity and a mere apology to the offended party. A vow, on the other hand, usually has two defining characteristics. First, it invokes God as either party or witness, and second it involves a public proclamation, inviting the public’s support in helping the parties to uphold the vow once made. Vows are not to be broken but every effort must be expended to make the necessary adjustments to one’s needs or desires to ensure that the vow can be carried out. For all vows – ordination, marriage, baptismal, religious profession – life must be made to accommodate them, not the other way around. All of one’s life must be structured to support these vows once made. If a vow is to be set aside – unlike a promise, all parties must be in agreement about the laying aside. In religious vows, these are made to God. No human power, not even the Church, has the authority to lay them aside on God’s behalf. The moral of the story: don’t make a vow you aren’t prepared to keep.

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On Community

We seem to be in a place today where there is a great deal of renewed interest in religious life in the Church. These periods seem to wax and wane as the years go by, but the interest seems to peak when time are troubled and folks are looking for spiritual communities that offer a renewed sense of purpose and spiritual fulfillment.

Having just returned from the Brotherhood’s Chapter and Convocation, where we admitted three new postulants, clothed a novice, and had two first and two life professions, I was struck by the sentiment – look at what we offer the church! In this case, here were a group of men seeking spiritual companionship, and willing to undertake the promise of a community in which to nurture that journey – in some cases for the balance of their natural lives.

The church hungers for community – real, authentic, sustaining community. Too often, the church holds up the parish as the logical place where that is supposed to happen. And too often, it doesn’t – leaving people hungry. In the case of clergy, seminaries try to foster community by providing a semi-monastic experience of prayer and worship. But these communities are, by their very nature, temporary. As such, they do not work except to create a hunger for this type of spiritual nurture only to create disappointment when the newly graduated enter the world of parish life to find that there is no comparable sense of community available to them there.

Parish clergy spend too much time trying to recreate that experience in the parish only to be disappointed when the expected sense of community and commitment doesn’t materialize. We often hear from ordained folks coming to discern a religious vocation that they are hoping to find what they thought they were getting when becoming ordained.

Community in religious life is informed and shaped by the Rule and vows. Being bound to follow a Rule of Life naturally fosters a sense of common purpose among members of the community that informs every aspect of our lives. Parish communities cannot, by there very nature, do this. We come to the table with individual agendas, worship in common, and then return to those same agendas when we leave. Aside from the assertion of our Baptismal Covenant as a common Rule of Life, there is nothing to necessarily foster a sense of putting aside those parts of our lives that may be at odds with it. In religious life, however, this is the purpose of vows. The great evangelical counsels of Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience are intended to accomplish this.

Poverty is the great equalizer of power. Whether it asks us to relinquish personal possessions, or to live in simplicity, or to dedicate the fruit of our labor to the Church, it is less about possession than it is about power. The common pursuit of Poverty as an informing proposition in our lives is intended to reset the power dynamics of a community to equality rather than hierarchy.

Chastity is about relinquishing our desire to possess or control those with whom we are in relationship. It is about gracious restraint, individual value and integrity, and accountability for one anothers personal and spiritual growth and discernment of gifts for use in service. Chastity is an invitation to love rather than a barrier to it.

Obedience is about the relinquishment of personal agendas – not by letting them go completely, but by relegating them to lesser importance than the needs of the community as a whole. Without Obedience, a true spiritual community will fail. Obedience is about listening for needs, and being willing to meet them for the sake of others.

Is it any wonder that without a Rule and vows, true community can seem transient? The model of the parish is wonderful for so much goodness. But it cannot bear under the weight of expectations that it can provide true and lasting community for those who seek it. Parishes are about convenient community. As long as it is close by, the hours of worship are convenient to our busy lives, and the expectations on our time, talent, and treasure do not often exceed our own comfort levels – then it is fine.

Religious orders such as my own take great pleasure in offering a vision of community to the world. We offer a place where the true nature of community, with all of its joys and all of its messiness, can prove sustainable, nourishing and holy. It is the school where we, as individual members, learn what community truly looks like and then take and model it for others.

Our founder is fond of saying that “everyone who comes to us – changes us.” Isn’t that a vision!? Too many “communities” in the world are formed by a process of selection – where members are chosen based on their reinforcement of who we are, what we like (or don’t like), and where our comfort zones are. We choose people, speaking rather obviously in generalizations, who are like we are or who at the very least don’t necessarily challenge who we are. Religious life is not like this. When a new person comes to us, the dynamics of the community shift to accommodate this new presence. We do not mold them to be like us, but rather let ourselves flow around them, inviting them to bring their authentic personhood in all of its integrity. We provide them with a framework – by Rule and vows – to discern their gifts and to use them in the world with quietness, patience, humility, charity, courage and prayer. And it is only in authentic community where those gifts are learned.

This, for me, is what religious life offers the Church.

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At my father’s table

For Richard, my Dad. Rest eternal and eternal peace.

Every man is defined – for good or for ill – by his relationship with his father. I know it sounds cliché, but there is good reason for clichés. Beneath the surface, we men long to live up to the expectations of our fathers, even those we have convinced ourselves that we’ve rejected. That’s just a generational thing. Some of us admire our Dads. Some of us suffer from estrangement, even though we tell ourselves – or at least try – that it is a necessary act of self-preservation. There is a necessary self-congratulatory aspect to this kind of separation. That’s a peculiarity of my own “me” generation. I am all of these. But I learned about the complexity of my relationship with my own father in an unexpected way, at a truly unanticipated moment… at my father’s table. Now, I am changed.

My father and I could not have been more different from one another. He was a good man in his own way. A bit coarse and rough around the edges. He was a farm boy through and through. Raised in a rural part of Pennsylvania – we jokingly refer to as the Alabama part of PA – he loved rural life. He grew up with 4-H and Future Farmer’s of America. He was the last generation in my family to live on the family farm, succeeding his father, grand-father, great-grandfather in a long line stretching back to the early 18th century. As a boy, he raised prize winning cattle, was a leader in FFA, and a leader in Christian Endeavor, a youth group at his church. His father was a Deacon there, so was his grandfather. I was baptized there on Easter Sunday during my first months of life.

As a grown man, he fell in love with trucks, cars, tractors. Anything with an engine! He won tractor pulls, collected antique cars. He loved his lawn mower. And he loved his truck. He spent 40 years driving the roads of America. But he always returned home to what he loved. His land, his roots. And everything on the outside – with the exception of the food that he loved – was to be dutifully kept at bay when he wasn’t on the road. He was a hard living, hard working man.

I, on the other hand, am a city boy. I left rural Pennsylvania when I was 10 and never looked back. While I enjoy gardening, I have no love lost for farming. I am a man of faith, but of the more catholic variety. I am soft. I am effeminate. I am proudly out of the closet, married to my husband, and I’m an urban rat. I have never driven a car in my life, let alone a tractor or a big rig. I enjoy subways and taxis, and walking. I enjoy the variety of life and while I can appreciate the value of small town, rural life – I prefer the city with its museums, restaurants, colorful characters, and grit.

My Dad and I were polar opposites. And as a result we were estranged from one another for over 30 years. 33 years to be exact, during which we only rarely spoke and we never saw each other face to face. Both of us were responsible for that. He had a temper that could lead to violence if fueled properly. And I was gay and afraid to tell him so. And so, even though we tried on occasion to get back in touch and develop a relationship – it always ended quickly when the elephants in the living room proved to be too big. Talking around them only lasted so long.

In 2008, my father’s sister called. She is one of the loves of my life. “Sweetheart,” she said, “his health is not good. You and he need to get right with each other before he’s gone. If you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

Did I mention that I’m also a bit of a cynic? By this point in my life, I was certainly – I thought – comfortable with the absence of my father. Even somewhat defined by it. I wasn’t really buying the deathbed reconciliation scenario. Even offered as it was by someone I love, and who had my own interests at heart. I told her I’d think about it.

It took me two days. Two days of being angry, panicked, weird. Two days of staring at the phone. 43 years old and pissed off about having to come out AGAIN. Jeez, I’d been doing that since I was fifteen. And the last thing I wanted to do was remove the biggest barrier I had constructed in my relationship with him, when I was convinced he wouldn’t do the same. Funny, I was more comfortable with having no relationship by default, than being confronted with having no relationship due to rejection. But my aunt’s words rang in my head. “You need to give him the chance to prove he’s better than you think he is.”

I picked up the phone. There he was. Same voice I remembered. The tenor of it always frightened me a little. Unresolved fears from my youth which had never been given the benefit of a different reference point. I was a 43 year old little boy still frightened of his father. We chatted for a bit, mostly about him. His health, his friends, his world. But then, he said something. In all my attempts at trying to talk with him over the years, this was the last thing I had expected. His voice grew tender, and he said “What do you say we talk about why we don’t have a relationship with each other.” I was stunned. He got straight to the point. He was unwilling to engage in the small talk that had characterized our previous unsuccessful attempts at relationship. So, I took a deep breath, and said “for my part, Dad, I’m gay. And I know that’s something you don’t and will never understand. So, I just didn’t have the courage to tell you.”

And my tough, conservative, hard-living, country-boy brute of a father said, “that doesn’t matter to me! You’re my son and I love you.” Every word I had planned to say next stuck in my throat.

***********************

2010 was a rough year for my father. His health was pretty awful. I couldn’t believe how fragile he was. He was still a big fellow, heavy from years of eating poorly, lack of activity due to his emphysema. Big as he was, he was fragile. His heart was worsening. He was only 70. And he suffered from a debilitating form of anxiety disorder.

So much had changed since that initial phone call. We spent the first couple of days talking out everything on the phone. Hours of conversation. He owned his part for our estrangement, actually cried like a baby when he apologized. I never knew he could be vulnerable. In the interim, I returned home for the first time since I was 10 years old for a weekend family reunion. I saw him face to face for those couple of days. We had the benefit of company – his sisters and a dozen family cousins who provided love and moral support for both of us during our anxious reunion. He followed me around all weekend just wanting to hold my hand. Nothing could have prepared me for that.

For the next two years, we talked on the phone several times a week with only the occasional lapse due to life’s busy-ness. We talked, laughed, griped. He remained a difficult man. Periods of silence were usually met with angry calls from him, wondering he he’d done or said something to make me mad. I owned that legacy and tried to be mindful of not going too long without a call, lest he think I’d retreated again. Sometimes, he would give my aunt a call and complain that he hadn’t heard from me. She’d always – gently – suggest that he call me for once. He was stubborn.

He enjoyed starting the good argument with me, usually over politics. He was convinced that liberals like me were hell bent on destroying the country. I usually found a way to quickly change the subject. And the new subject was almost always – food. He loved talking about food! I am a former chef and love to cook. I tried it out on him during the reunion weekend. He was convinced I need to move back and cook for him for the rest of his life. I would chuckle and change the subject.

He also loved to cook, and while he couldn’t do much on his own anymore, he did try out a few things I recommended. He got into an argument with his housekeeper once because she made something for him to eat, but she didn’t make it the way I said it should be made. He grumped about that for a week. He would reminisce about the best meals he ever ate at restaurants while he was on the road. Our conversations about food somehow resolved his anxiety and mine.

As 2010 wore on, he became increasingly agitated. His anxiety was worse by the week, his lungs were labored and breathing was difficult. We watched as his oxygen intake was increased month after month. He would call me to help talk him down from relentless anxiety attacks. It usually worked. Food almost always worked.

The words “I love you,” became a fixed part of our conversation. Before our talk in 2008, I had never heard my father utter those words. Now they were a fixed part of the landscape that made me tear up every time he said them. I began to lament the years that had passed, each of us denied the opportunity to say them and to hear them. But I also know that it couldn’t have happened sooner than it did. We were both open to reconciliation in ways that only the ever present shadow of death makes possible. And though I prayed those days were still a ways off, I was navigating that surreal landscape of individual moments – unaware of the arc of time and how quickly it was passing.

***********************

I am sitting at my father’s table. It’s Tuesday, and I’ve been here for a couple of days. The doctors have been trying to convince him for days to go into the hospital. He isn’t having it. I made my travel plans believing he would be in the hospital. When he refused to go, I called to let him know I was coming. He had a melt down. “I don’t want you to see me like this. Don’t come. There’s nothing for you to do here. I can’t entertain you.” His cousin finally convinced him it was a good idea. I arrived on Saturday.

It’s October and cold here. Last year Dad finally had to move out of his house. He couldn’t care for it on his own anymore. He is living in a small apartment, just the right size for him. It’s isolated. I don’t drive and am here for ten days. Just the two of us. Our first time alone together – ever. His anxiety is acute and his breathing is a bitter struggle. But he’s happy that I’m here.

He is a sly one, though. He secretly loves having someone to do everything for him. And he’s still difficult. He has his routine. A cup or spoon out of place sets off his anxiety. He spends a good deal of time unnecessarily apologizing for his temper. He goes from the armchair to the bed to the kitchen table and starts again. I want him to do whatever he wants. I am a grown man and don’t need to be entertained.

Turn the oxygen up. Turn the oxygen down. Can I have a glass of water? What’s for dinner? What’s for dinner!! This is why I am here. To cook for him. To love him. To eat with him. To participate in the one thing that solves all other things between us when things get awkward. Food. We buy groceries with the help of his good friend who looks in on him every day and runs errands.

We went shopping one day. Comedy of comedies. “You get whatever you like,” he says. The morning is spent picking things up and then putting them back. “No, I don’t like that,” he says. “But you get whatever you want.” “What is that? No, get the other kind.” I spend the morning giggling to myself in every aisle of the supermarket. He’s in his wheelchair terrorizing the market employees. I wink apologies, People smile knowingly.

He is a man of routine. Every morning he has the same breakfast. We sit together over coffee, talk. He sorts pills. I plan lunch – macaroni and cheese. He makes calls. I smile at how disarmingly charming he is on the phone with nurses, pharmacies, friends.

I convince him to make a call to a local service organization to talk about in home care. We plan the intake interview for Monday next. He gets enough courage to ask me to help organize his papers. A copy of his obituary arrives in the mail. He shows it to me. He’s made his funeral arrangements. I get him the contact information for an elder-care attorney in case he needs one. Every day, I speak with his sisters on the phone for an update. They giggle in sympathy as I tell them stories about the market, the dish I put away in the wrong cabinet.

In the afternoons, his anxiety gets pretty bad. He goes and lays down on his bed. He’ll stay there for hours. One afternoon, he calls me in to sit with him while he’s in bed. He starts telling me stories about his youth. He talks about hell-raising. He talks about old friends, now dead. I notice that he only stays in bed for half an hour that day. We get up and go to the kitchen. He tells stories. I make biscuits and sausage gravy. He looks up at me and smiles. It becomes the new routine.

On those days when we sit together in his room, he breathes a little easier. He laughs at the trouble he got into as a teenager. He talks to me openly, for the first time, about his marriage to my mother. About the death of his father. About his regret at having given up farming for truck driving. He tells me that his biggest sorrow in life was losing his son. He tells me how happy he is to have me there.

Over dinner, we just enjoy one another over a heaping platter of barbecue. It’s like seeing him for the first time. He eats like every meal is his last. He looks at me and smiles. He looks just like his baby picture. Same smile that looks like trouble in the making. He is an old charmer.

My visit draws to a close. He grows progressively more morose as each day passes. I encourage him not to wish away the time by getting sad too soon. He makes me promise I’ll come back at Christmas. I say I will. I cook three weeks worth of food and package it up for the freezer. Our cousins come over the last night. I make fresh fish and sweet potatoes. Blue gill, trout, and catfish. Fish three ways. We eat and laugh until his anxiety gets the better of him. He crawls into bed. I go and sit with him. The wave passes and the stories come out again. That time he outran the police. The bar fight at the tractor pulling contest in Chicago. I laugh. I grieve not knowing him sooner and thank God at the same time. He wants to pray together. I say a Psalm. We pray. He tells me that he believes in everything the Book says, so he know’s he’ll go to heaven. I tell him I agree.

I return home on a Tuesday. There are no tears, but he is upset. I give him a hug and a kiss as I leave. I really don’t believe it is the last time I’ll see him. “I will be back before Christmas,” I say.

He died the Monday of Thanksgiving week.

***********************

All men are defined by their relationship with their father. I have decided that, in my life, there is plenty of room for clichés. Especially this one. I have grieved the loss of my father in ways that a few short years ago I never imagined possible. I have no regrets, neither did he. Our relationship in the last two years of his life became everything that it should be. Everything that it could be for two men such as us.

The day I married my husband, my father called and told me how much he wished he could be there with us. He never asked about Anthony. But he didn’t need to. He had stretched his comfort zone way beyond what could be expected. He loved me even as he didn’t understand me. But he tried.

And I am, yet again, a man who’s life is tinged by a father’s absence. I miss him terribly. I miss talking with him about food. I contemplate sitting at my father’s table, learning about his heart, his flaws, his life. At his table, we learned to practice love and forgiveness over the course of a few short weeks. There is something deeply sacramental about that. We lived out the groundwork we had laid by phone over those two years previous. Now, in his absence, there is no longer an empty space defined by what could have been. There is, instead, a space defined and filled with what was possible when we took off the gloves and the masks and revealed who we truly were.

I harbor no illusions about the kind of man my father was. I haven’t entirely forgotten his part in our estrangement. But I have forgiven it. While he was charming, funny, and loyal – he was also difficult. I know that much of that difficulty was fueled by regret, by mental illness, and by loss. He lived a hard life. He made choices that, ultimately, left him nearly alone at the end of his days. It is ironic that – of all the people in all the world who could have – I was the one to be with him during the last weeks of his life. Me, a son. He, a father. The years of our estrangement – in some strange way – made that possible. There was enough emotional ambiguity for him to be needy. And for me to not become consumed with the emotional terrors of providing care for a dying parent.

My father lost his own Dad to suicide the same year that his marriage to my mother ended. So, he lost his father and his son the same year. He spent the rest of his life secretly blaming himself for both. This is the story of a man defined by his father. And that father being defined by his own father. And so on. And so on. This, ultimately, is not a glorified story of deathbed reconciliation. It is the story of two men getting to know themselves and each other sitting at a tiny table, in a small kitchen, in the middle of no where – alone together for the first time, ever.

In my living room is a handmade trunk. The trunk only arrived yesterday. It was given to my father in the 1950′s as the Showmanship Award for his prize winning shorthorn steer. Inside, there are pictures and albums from his life, awards and ribbons, and trophies from his truck pulls. And this soft city-boy loves them. They are a reminder of the life he lived, and the life I left. It is not a box of sorrowful memories, though it could have been had our silence with one another ruled the day. But it didn’t.

Everytime I cook dinner, I have the urge to call him. And the momentary sorrow of that is almost immediately replaced with gratitude. It is somehow fitting that my husband and I ate dinner sitting at that trunk last night. A tiny table, in our small living room, in the middle of San Francisco. That trunk is my father’s table. And I am my father’s son. He remains with me, and so does his father, and so on. And so on, in a line stretching back to God knows when. And I am so glad that I gave him the chance to prove that he was more and better than I thought he was. And now, so am I.

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So you want to learn Mahjong?

A Primer for Getting Started

By PunkMonkSF and the Mame Dennis Mahjong League

Introduction

Mahjong is taking the country by storm again for the first time since the 1920s. That such a brilliant game should have such staying power is not surprising. It is challenging, fun, social, and rewarding. But it seems that many people are daunted by the prospect of learning to play. They shouldn’t be! The fear stems from a couple of things. First, the unique nature of the tiles with their Chinese characters make some feel as though they need to learn a foreign language in order to play. You don’t. Secondly, there are so many varieties of the game that it is hard to know which version to choose. Some are, indeed, very complicated. And some are not.

This primer is intended to answer a lot of questions about Mahjong and to give some helpful advice for those who are dying to learn but are still hesitant. Much of it stems from my own experience and the experience of those I taught and with whom I now play on a regular basis. I have developed a way to teach them and others so that it can be fun for those who want to play without being frustrating to learn.

This primer will talk about what version to play, hints for buying a mahjong set, your game table, scoring made simpler, and the basic mechanics of gameplay. There are a number of resources out there for learning to play the game. I would not presume to put myself in the exalted company of those who know the game so much better than I do, or who have played it for so much longer. But I do know, through trial and error and a whole lot of investigation, what to avoid and what to look for when beginning to learn. And I know how to teach the newcomer to the game by approaching the game in stages. This is not a book, only a primer.

If you want a really good book as an intro to Mahjong, I highly recommend Jelte Rep’s “The Great Mahjong Book: History, Lore, and Play.” It is one of the best I’ve read and Mr. Rep really demonstrates his great love of the game. It is filled with wonderful tidbits of information, musings and stories, and fun facts as well as the rules and standards of game play.

In this primer, I will focus mainly on Hong Kong Old Style since I think it is the easiest for beginners. I wish you all luck as you begin the journey into the Game of a Hundred Wonders! Now, let’s begin with some things to consider before you start playing.

Which version of Mahjong do I play?

The first thing to consider, even before you buy a Mahjong set, is which version of the game you want to learn to play. Mahjong comes in many varieties, from tournament and competition variety to recreational, from the gambling variety to the sport. There are versions from America, China, Hong Kong (Old and New), Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Malaysia, Great Britain, France, and many other nations as well. Many of the tournament variety – from Chinese International Rules to Japanese Competition Riichi are daunting with the number of possible hands that you can create. The American version has some peculiarities that make it very different from other versions of the game. Hong Kong Old Style is the most widely played version in the world and has a manageable number of hands (22 means of scoring with 15 special hands). Hong Kong New Style, however, has a large number of hands (60) which makes it complicated. I don’t find it as elegant as Chinese International Rules with 81 hands. Modern Japanese Riichi is every bit as elegant as you would expect and has some interesting variations which make it fun to play. But it’s scoring system can be a bit daunting. For the newcomer, I recommend Hong Kong Old Style to start with. You can always move to a new version from there. If the American version sounds fun, by all means start there. But the Hong Kong version is rapidly replacing American style as the most played version in the United States, especially among the under 40 crowd.

In the same way as Poker or other card games, Mahjong allows for variation and house rules. So you can always add or change possible hands and scoring options for your own house and your own group of players. In my own league, we use a variation on Hong Kong Old Style with additional hands from the New Style just to add some variety. Our rule is that all players have to agree on the additions before game play. This is particularly helpful when you have a new player at the table who wants to take it easy the first few times they play.

Tips for Buying a Mahjong Set:

1 – Make sure that the set you are looking at has the American (Roman) numbers on the front of the tiles. Don’t believe those who say they are “easy to remember” when you play for a while. The suit tiles (Bamboos, Characters, and Dots) are numbered 1-9, seasons and flowers 1-4, and the dragons (Red, White, and Green) and winds (East, South, West, North) should be easily recognizable even though these last ones are not numbered. The winds, however, will have either letters or the directions spelled out.

Bamboos

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Characters

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Dots

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Winds

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Dragons

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Flowers and Seasons

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2 – Look for a set that has at least 144 tiles. That is the set most often used throughout the world and in most variants of the game. 36 Bamboos, 36 Characters, and 36 Dots; 16 Winds and 12 Dragons; 4 Seasons and 4 Flowers. Many sets will also come with anywhere from 4-8 blanks to use for lost tiles.

3 – American Mahjong is very different from regular Mahjong. Some don’t even consider it the same game. The American version has 166 tiles. Many of these are Jokers. Unless you really intend on playing the American version of the game, I don’t recommend buying an American set.

4 – Tile racks are an important component of the game. I personally don’t like the Lucite ones with the chip pegs on the side and the built in tile pushers. They are a bit cheap, and unless you are using the chips with the holes (which come standard with the American version while the racks don’t always), you will never use the pegs on the side. I prefer large wooden racks, like jumbo Scrabble racks, myself. You can find these in most game stores. Just make sure they are long enough to comfortably hold about 17 tiles. The size of your tiles and the length of your tile racks should be considered together.

5 – When buying a set you want to look at the following:

            a. tile size. The ones sold in Chinatowns across the USA tend to use very large and chunky plastic tiles. These are relatively good, even though not often the prettiest tiles. The advantage is that they stand on their side easily so you don’t need tile racks if you don’t want them. Many travel editions of Mahjong have tiles that simply cannot stand on their side without a rack. Additionally, if you are like me, the smaller the tile, the harder they can be to see. See if you can find a set in between.

            b. Tile quality. Many of the better sets are the new ones sold at local game stores, or that can be found online if you are good at researching. Amazon is a bit better than eBay for new tile sets, but you can find a more interesting variety of vintage sets on eBay. However, be careful when buying antique Mahjong sets. Many of the faces are not good quality – they are dirty, scratched, or worn off. AND, if the back sides of any of the tiles have damage or visible scratches, they will render your whole set useless. Players will quickly come to recognize the tile from the scratch or mark. Make sure that the vendor on eBay has clear pictures of both the front and back of the tiles, and that the tiles are a complete set for the version you are buying.

            c. pretty tiles. The drawings on the tiles are part of the aesthetic of Mahjong. If they are not beautiful, you will not get as much enjoyment from the game. Look for a Mahjong set that is relatively new, but aesthetically pleasing. The 1 Bamboo and the flowers and seasons are the tiles to look at for artistry. Most of the rest of them have standard designs that don’t deviate much from set to set.

6 – Many traditional non-American Mahjong games will come with scoring sticks. These are fine as a curiosity, but in all likelihood, you won’t use them for scoring much. This is mainly due to the fact the you will have to memorize the values of the sticks in addition to all those new tiles. We use poker chips that can be found at a game store or bought online. Not the really pricey, Las Vegas kind, but the small plastic ones with denominations printed on the front: 1, 2, 5, 10, 25, 50. They are cheap and don’t take a lot of table space.

Your Mahjong Table

Many folks use a folding card table to play. If you do, make sure it is sized at about 36” square. Especially if you go for a bigger tile set. Our league uses my dining room table.

Tiles can get dirty easily, or scratch and be scratched if used on a plain surface. Buy yourself a piece of dark green (or red for luck) velveteen fabric suitable for the size of your table after seaming the edges, and a rubber carpet pad (the kind you put under a rug to keep it from sliding around). You can usually find both at your local fabric store. Cut the carpet pad to the size of your table and put it down at game time, followed by the velveteen table cloth. The velveteen offers a game table feel and is easily washed when it gets dirty. The rubber pad offers a little bounce – just like a game table – and offers a bit more protection for the table, especially when shuffling tiles.

The Mechanics of Game Play

Mahjong is very much like cards, in fact very much like Rummy. Some say that the card game Rummy originated with Mahjong! The goal of the game is to make a complete hand composed of sets; either three of a kind (called a Pung) or a run of three (i.e. 1,2,3 in the same suit called a Chow). A complete Mahjong hand is composed of four sets of three and a pair for a total of 14 tiles.

First, the dealer (East) is chosen and the wall is built. Generally, if you play with all 144 tiles, the wall is built with each player stacking 36 tiles into a row of 18 stacked 2 high. These rows are then placed in a square in the center of the table. Each Mahjong game has a great deal of ritual involved in determining East and where the wall is broken and the tiles are dealt. Don’t worry about this for now. But when you decide what version of Mahjong you wish to play, learn how to select the dealer and the winds and stick to it. Otherwise the Mahjong ghosts will get upset and your luck at the table may turn bad!

Like a card game, you are dealt a number of tiles (13) at the beginning of the game. You pick a tile and discard a tile in each turn just like cards, and you put your hand together until you have reached the desired number of sets and a pair to declare Mahjong and go out.

What makes Mahjong a little different are a couple of elements of play that are particular to the game:

1 – You are dealt 13 tiles at the beginning of the game, and when a tile you pick completes your hand you will have 14 tiles. You do not discard after the final tile that completes your hand.

2 – You are, in some instances, allowed to create a set with four of a kind (called a Kong). When you do this, you meld this set (place it on the table) and you must select an additional tile from the Dead Wall so that you have enough tiles to complete your hand (remember 4 sets and a pair). You can read about the Dead Wall later. Remember, you cannot create a run of four, only a set or sets with four of a kind!

3 – Like cards, you are allowed to steal a tile that someone discards to make a set of three of a kind. Call “PUNG!” and take it. But you must meld the set when you do so. This also results in the turn order being changed, since the person after you will go next and someone may be skipped. You can do the same for a run of three, BUT you can only do that on your turn by stealing a discard from the person to your left. This way, the turn order remains the same. No one gets skipped.

When you create a complete hand, you declare Mahjong and go out. The winner scores points that are “paid” by the other players. Who pays what depends on a couple of things: 1) the value of your hand, and 2) whether you got your final tile by picking it from the wall or by stealing it from someone who discarded it. In the first case, the winner receives double points from each of the remaining three players. In the second, the player who discarded the tile that allows someone to go Mahjong pays the winner double, the others only pay the regular value of the winning hand.

What makes Mahjong have such interesting variety are the ways in which hands score points and the way in which that value is determined when paying the winner.

For beginning Mahjong players, first learn simply how to complete a typical Mahjong hand of four sets of three and a pair. Learn the basic mechanics of making Pungs, Chows and even try your hand at making Kongs. Don’t worry about points at first.

There are three elements to scoring: elements within the hand, special (limit hands) that are worth a LOT of points, and points for how you got the last tile to complete your hand. Because Hong Kong Old Style has simplified its scoring, these points are called Fan (meaning Doubles) and are the only point counted. In the old days, you used to have to count the points of the hand and the Doubles separately. It was very complicated.

Once you’ve got the hang of it, it is time to introduce the concept of a “legal” Mahjong hand. You see, just because you have created a hand with four sets of three and a pair, doesn’t mean the hand is worth anything at all. Most variations of Mahjong have a minimum number of points (fan) that a hand must be worth in order for it to be a legal hand. Hong Kong Old Style is three points (three fan) minimum. Let us turn to what makes a hand legal.

A Legal Mahjong Hand

The Chinese value skill, luck, and elegance when it comes to Mahjong. And so, it places higher value on hands that are harder to make than others. Once you have learned how to make a typical Mahjong hand, it is time to learn which elements of a legal hand are actually worth anything. A complete chart is included later for reference.

Because Chows (runs of three tiles) are easy to make, in Mahjong they are worth nothing unless they are certain kinds. If you hand is composed of All Chows and a pair, then it is worth something. If you have two or three Chows that are identical (meaning they are they same sequence in the same suit) then they are worth points. Otherwise, they are worth nothing at all.

Pungs (three of a kind) and Kongs (four of a kind) are a bit harder to make, so there are more opportunities for them to score points. For example, All Pungs is worth points, and so are Pungs of the Honor tiles like Dragons. All Kongs is a very special hand worth the maximum (limit) number of points.

Points in a Mahjong hand can be gained for Honor tiles (Winds or Dragons), especially if they correspond to your seat wind or the table wind. We will get to that later. You can score points for having All Honor tiles and for having none; for having flowers and seasons or for having none. 1s and 9s in Mahjong are called Terminals (meaning they begin and end the suits). Terminal Pungs have value and so do hands where each element (four sets of three and a pair) have Terminals.

Additionally, you can score points in Mahjong for going out just by drawing a tile from the wall instead of stealing it. Even more points if you go out on the very last tile in the wall or the very last discard.

The following score chart lists all of the possible ways of scoring elements in a hand for Mahjong. It is quite possible to make a hand that does not meet the minimum three fan requirement as you can see. This is where the skill of Mahjong comes into play. We will look at these before we look at the special hands, some of which don’t even fit the normal pattern at all (four sets of three and a pair).

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The hands listed in red are from my house league rules. These hands come from Hong Kong New Style and I’ve added them to give our players more opportunities to score fan. Otherwise, the hands in black represent to complete scoring system for Hong Kong Old Style except for the special hands which are listed later.

Let’s turn to a couple of ideas that come up often in Mahjong play. The first if the difference between melded and concealed. When you steal a tile discarded by another player to make a Pung or a Chow, you must meld the set face up on the table, just like in some versions of Rummy. Otherwise, when you complete sets by drawing tiles from the wall, you leave them in your hand so as not to give away what you are working on in your hand. These sets are called concealed.

Mahjong rewards points for anyone who manages to keep their entire hand concealed during the game. This means never stealing. Some special hands allow for everything to be melded. Because when you make a Kong you MUST meld it on the table since you have to then take an extra tile to be able to complete your hand, melded Kongs are considered concealed. You cannot steal a discarded tile to make a Kong out of a Pung that has already been melded.

A Chicken Hand is literally a hand with no point value for Pungs, Chows and the pair. But, don’t despair, even though it is worth nothing, there are still opportunities for you to meet the minimum three fan requirement if 1) it is entirely concealed and won on self-drawn (worth 2 points), and 2) won by taking the last tile or the last discard or has flowers and seasons that score.

Flowers and seasons are not a part of the Mahjong hand or its four sets of three and a pair. When you draw them from the wall, you place them face up in front of you on the table and choose a new tile from the dead wall. (The dead wall will be discussed later). So if you have all flowers or all seasons or none of them, they can also make a Chicken Hand meet the minimum three fan requirement.

Once you start to make hands that are worth fan, this simple chart will help you determine how to “pay” the winner of a Mahjong hand by converting the fan (doubles) value into points.

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A three fan hand is worth 8 points. So, if you win by drawing a tile from the wall, every player pays you double or 16 points each for a total of 48 points. If you steal a discard to make Mahjong, the person who discarded the tile who helped you win pays double (16) and the other two pay you 8 points each for a total of 32 points. You use the poker chips to pay the winner. In some versions of Mahjong, the three losers settle points among themselves based on the difference in their scores. Hong Kong Old Style doesn’t do this, so only the winners hand is counted.

Once you have played with the mechanics of building a legal Mahjong hand, becoming familiar with Flowers and Seasons, Dragons and Winds, Pungs and Chows that are worth points, then it is time to introduce the special hands. In HKOS, there are 15 of them. They are very difficult to make, but the payoff is HUGE. The winner gets the maximum number of points.

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You will notice that the Seven Pairs, Nine Gates, and Thirteen Orphans hands do not meet the regular pattern (fours sets of three and a pair) of a Mahjong hand. These are the only three exceptions to what we have talked about so far. Otherwise, all of the Special Hands follow the typical pattern but are extremely difficult (though not impossible) to make. As such, they are worth the maximum number of points. Just look under the points section of the fan chart to see what the winner receives whether from self-drawn win or by discard.

That’s about all that can be said for the mechanics of game play. It is relatively simple:

1) Begin with a hand of thirteen tiles

2) Draw a tile and discard on each turn, just like cards, to build a hand that contains four sets of three and a pair to go Mahjong. Remember, a completed Mahjong hand will end with 14 tiles since you do not discard after you pick the last tile that makes you win.

3) Build a Mahjong hand that contains elements that score points or special hands, so that your hand ends up being worth a minimum of three fan.

4) You can occasionally steal a tile just discarded to build a set of three of a kind (Pung) or a run of three (Chow); but remember that you have to meld them and that may limit their value.

5) The winner declares Mahjong when their hand is complete, calculate the value of the hand, convert the value to points and pay the winner.

6) Shuffle, build the wall, deal and repeat!

A typical Mahjong game is 16 hands. Our league has never once made it through all 16. Just keep a score sheet and pick up where you left off the next time you play.

Now, for those of you who want a little bit more clarification, let’s take a look at the table, the wall, and the seating.

On Table and Seat Winds

Remember, when the dealer was selected, they were designated as East. This is because in Mahjong, just like Bridge, the seat positions represent directions. Of course, in Mahjong it is exactly the opposite of what you expect, since the directions run in the other way from what you’re used to. Everything in Mahjong runs counter clockwise instead of clockwise, including game turns.

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At the opening of the game, East is determined and the other seats are assigned their winds as appropriate. West across from East, North to the left of East, and South across from North. I always remember it this way. Go around the table counter clock-wise and remember the phrase “Easy Win!” – EaSy WiN. Nothing like bringing a little self-confidence to the game.

The table wind at the opening of the game is also East. After each hand, East moves to the player at the right so that there is a new Dealer every hand. After 4 hands, when East returns to the first dealer, the table wind changes to South. After four hands to West, and after the four more to North. Again, EaSy WiN! Four hands for four directions is 16 hands and a completed game.

Remember the Flowers and Seasons? In the scoring table, you will remember that you score points for having flowers or seasons from your own wind or the table wind. It is important to remember during game play what your seat wind is and what the table wind is so that you have an opportunity to score these points.

Generally, the rack used by East (the Dealer) is colored red so that it is easy at a glance to see what the seat winds are. A marker can be used to remember what wind the table is. Some Mahjong sets come with markers for just such a purpose.

Here is a simple chart that shows you which flowers and seasons belong to which winds so that you can remember which ones will score points for you.

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Breaking the Wall

Every Mahjong variation also has a rule for breaking the wall. Usually, at each hand, East – who is the dealer – rolls two dice and counts from the right of their wall the number thrown. They make a break in the wall after that number of spaces. Then they count backwards from there a total of 7. Break the wall again. Between those two breaks, you should end up with a stack of 14 tiles (7 rows, 2 tiles high). This is known as the Dead Wall. The Dead Wall is used for replacement tiles for flowers and seasons and for replacement tiles for Kongs if a player makes one during the game. Generally, HKOS calls for these Dead Wall tiles to be replaced every time one is taken by putting a tile from the Wall into the Dead Wall so that there are always 14 tiles. The dead wall is usually moved into the center of the table so that it is accessible to all and easily distinguished from the game Wall.

Picking from the Wall, game play continues until someone declares Mahjong or there are no tiles left in the Wall. The Dead Wall is not used. If you reach the end of the game wall and no one has Mahjong, the hand is Null and begins again with the same dealer. The winds don’t change.

Finally!

That’s about all the advice I can give you short of writing a book on the game. There are simply too many versions and too many peculiarities from region to region, from league to league, to cover everything. But I hope this primer is enough to get you started. Some of you will surely start out with a different version of the game than HKOS. Good for you! I hope that, at the very least, the information about picking a Mahjong set or choosing which version of the game to play was helpful in your decision making. For those of you who are planning to start with Hong Kong Old Style, I hope this information was useful and will help you learn the game without feeling daunted. It really isn’t as hard as it looks. And once you start to play, I’m hopeful that it will become your passion and that you’ll pass the joy along to your friends!

May the Mahjong ghosts bring luck to your table!

Karekin

Click here to download an 8 1/2″ x 11″ scorecard. Print on cardstock and laminate if you wish to keep it clean.

Click here to download a compass centerpiece for the table to help you remember what direction you are! It can be mounted on an 8″ square piece of gatorboard or some other material of your choice. Cut out the circle and mount it on the material you choose.


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Theotokos

Theotokos

Upon what faith sincere did Purity whisper her consent

and Bearer of the Word become, while still

a child yet unscathed, conform her will

to see Salvation’s promise from her sacred womb be sent?

Recall that with the pain of birth her Virgin flesh was rent

to bear the Child and prophecy fulfill.

Abandoned so to Providence, her precious blood did spill,

to deliver us from darkness to the Light of God’s intent.

O Blessed Maid, how didst thou open up thy spirit and afford

to rail against thy doubt and conquer fear,

and open up thy very self to God’s incarnate Word

when on that night into your youthful dreams His angel did appear?

O that I had such courage and devotion to my Lord,

to cast aside mine own desires, the sacred Mystery to bear.

© Karekin M Yarian, BSG

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Zacchaeus – A Little Man and A Big Vocation

Good morning! What a pleasure to have been asked to visit with you this morning and to spend time in worship with the community of Our Savior in Mill Valley. My prayers have been with you for a long while and I hope that from today I shall remain in yours.

My name is Br. Karekin and I am a member of the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory, a religious community in the Episcopal Church. And I am pleased to have an opportunity today to tell you a little about my life in our beloved community.

I have to admit that I was extraordinarily happy to be asked to preach today, especially when I read the Gospel lesson for the morning, the story of Zacchaeus. It is one of my favorite Gospel stories, particularly because I believe it is the story of vocation. The vocation of a man who was called away from a life of isolation and separation into a life of service to others. So I wanted to take some time this morning to unfold this story in a way that might let you have a little insight into my vocation as a brother in the Gregorian Way. And to prepare the way in your hearts and minds to answer whatever vocation might be planted in your spirit waiting for an invitation to inspire your hearts to action.

Zacchaeus, chief among tax collectors, has climbed into a tree to catch a glimpse of the Lord Jesus walking by. Chief among tax collectors, or as they are referred to elsewhere in the Scriptures, a publican.

The publicans in Roman times were not the most pleasant of characters. They were, more often than not, crooked and deceitful men. They were fabulously rich, which is why they were usually hired by the Romans to collect their taxes. They had the money to invest in the imperial system and were able to capitalize on their wealth to make more wealth – almost always off the backs of those from whom they were responsible to collect the taxes for the Roman government. They were despised and shunned by their communities, not just for collaborating with Roman occupiers, nor for merely collecting taxes which the Jews, much like modern Americans in our current climate, found abhorrent. But because the choices they made for their own security and power and comfort caused them to not only abandon but even to abuse the neediest among their own people.

I imagine Zacchaeus, climbing that tree trying to catch a glimpse of Jesus walking by. Avoiding the hustle and bustle of the crowds to get a better view. For as Scripture says, Zacchaeus was small of stature. Many modern translations substitute the word short for small… to the detriment of the deeper meaning of the story. For the fact of Zacchaeus’ spiritual crisis is hardly revealed by the word short.

The story might be better read this way – Zacchaeus sought to see Jesus but he could not, for the crowd held him in little esteem and he could not hold his head up for shame and so climbing a tree, he sought a place apart so that he might see the Lord.

Zacchaeus is in crisis. He lacks for community, He is an outcast, captive by the choices that he made along the way of accumulating his wealth and status. Zacchaeus has constructed for himself a lofty tower of security and power at the expense of his community. And now he finds it deeply dissatisfying because he is alone and separated from the fellowship of his own people.

And when Jesus says, “come down” I don’t suppose he is merely talking about the tree! I believe it is every bit as much about the place of privilege and power and wealth that Zacchaeus has constructed for himself – a place of isolation, and haughtiness, and lack of concern for his fellows who suffer under the rule of an oppressive regime. A place of loneliness.

But, I believe Zacchaeus has already repented too, and wants to amend his life, but can not find a hearing among the crowd. Notice that it doesn’t take much but an invitation for him to come down for him to offer to give away half of his wealth and to repay four fold anything he may have defrauded. A call from Jesus has a way of inspiring, yes. But Jesus did not ask anything of Zacchaeus except to stay in his home. Zacchaeus, rather, is given a hearing by Jesus’ invitation and offers to make amends for his past so that he might be a part of the community again.

Can any of us identify with Zacchaeus? Well, it’s not too much of a stretch to suggest that many of us, in our own way, can be like him. We live in a society of wealth and privilege. We spend out time consumed with being successful, achieving status. And the longer we are at it, and surprisingly the more successful we are, the more insulated we feel at times. And the more distant we become from the realities of those who have nothing or who have very little. And we slowly become less and less concerned with others and more concerned with holding on to what we have worked so hard for. But, we yearn for community. And havens like Our Savior can often be the very places we find it. And then – along comes Jesus who says “come down from there, for I need to stay at your house.”

The story of Zacchaeus is the story of vocation – a subject near and dear to my own heart. Not a call to those who are holy or special or who have some spiritual gift, but a call to those of us who are ordinary, dissatisfied or even sinful.

Once upon a time that seems like a million years ago, I had another life. I was beginning my first career – a very successful one. I was recovering from a painful, manic youth spent mainly on the street with the wrong people, doing the wrong things. I was an avowed punk, anti-authoritarian, with a tendency toward self-hatred and violence and abuse. It was the eighties, and the pressure for success and status was relentless. And I bought into that way of life with a passion, channeling all of my sense of entitlement and resentment. I worked hard, and played harder, filled my life with lots and of things, and crowds, and self-indulgence. I made a lot of money, treated people very badly, and was miserable. And like our Zacchaeus, I felt small in stature, walked with my head down, and felt dreadfully alone. I earnestly wanted to repent of my selfishness and find a way to amend my life.

When I came back to the church in my mid twenties, I rediscovered a love for God that while present for most of my life, my discomfort with my choices and my selfishness kept me from indulging too deeply. The call of Jesus as embodied in the community of the church inspired me, much like Zacchaeus, to want to give more of myself to God and others in service than was – strictly speaking – required. And so I pondered the Baptismal Covenant, and the hallmarks of what it meant to be a good follower of Jesus. Prayer, worship, service, love, compassion, justice. I knew in my heart that I wanted to do these things, but I had 26 years of experience to prove that – left to my own devices – I wouldn’t. I yearned to express this longing among my friends, but those who knew me in those days – knew me too well – and I could not get a hearing among them.

Like many people who explore the idea of vocation in our church, I thought perhaps I wanted to explore holy orders as a priest. Thankfully, I had a priest in my parish who knew about religious life – and particularly about a little known community “The Brotherhood of Saint Gregory.” I entered the community at the age of 27, the first gen-X member of the community. And my history (and maybe the pink Mohawk and nose ring) caused the brothers to nickname me “the Punk Monk.” A name that has stuck with me even still at the age of 45, even though the punk has mostly – if not entirely – left the building.

The call to Zacchaeus, “come down from there, I want to stay at your house,” is embodied in the Brotherhood of Saint Gregory. Jesus doesn’t say “come and stay at my house.” Jesus wants to stay at mine. At yours.

The Brothers, in response to this call, live their religious vocations fully in the world. Having longed for community, we opt not for an isolated one, but one that expands into our very families, neighborhoods, communities – modeling a religious vocation in the world rather than apart from it. We live a Rule of Life, take vows to serve, love, and obey Christ in the way that we believe all Christians are called by our Baptismal Covenant to live. By serving others.

Like Zacchaeus, the invitation of Jesus has inspired us in religious life to give away not just half but all of our lives in service to the Gospel, and to repay fourfold or even more in gratitude by the turning of our lives towards service on Christ’s behalf to others. And what blessings we have received in turn.

The question this morning is this: Once we have caught a glimpse of Jesus, and heard the words of invitation, how far down will we have to climb to answer it? And like Zacchaeus, in gratitude, what will we be willing to sacrifice to claim our place in the beloved community of God’s people? The Baptismal Covenant belongs to all of us as a Rule of Life. I urge you to look it up again when you have a chance on p. 304 of the BCP. For those of you wonder what vows are like, or who have taken vows of some kind, whether in marriage or ordination – see what would happen if you applied the same weight to the Baptismal Covenant that you do to those other vows. See how your life might change.

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